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In 2-D

1/29/09 10:17 pm - My life is weird

I got shotgunned married (kinda) 'cause my Dad is dying and then I hit a cow

1/11/09 10:41 pm

My father was like a bull
Broad-shouldered,
Thin-flanked,
Calm steps like mountainslides
Penis like an iron rod
And when he stepped out onto his field
No barbed wire was architect of his domain

And it almost seemed as if his fall was deliberate
Right front leg bending in on itself
Shoulder planted firmly into the ground
He struggled violently for a moment
And they lay still
Steam rolling off of his body into the winter cold

9/1/08 10:04 pm - Whoa

Hey.

I'm engaged.

8/4/08 11:51 am - Whoa

I suck at following through

6/18/08 07:42 am - WHAT?!

Today I got up early to exercise. Using my powers of procrastination, I managed to do it a little while watching Transformers at 6 am.
Then I sorta fucked around instead of going for a walk. While fucking around, I checked my own livejournal. I read one of my old year end posts; the first one for 2007/2006 reflective. I realized that I hadn't made one for 2008.
I'm a fucking idiot. Even if I don't use livejournal that much with any real regularity (half of it is lack of time/half of it is lack of perceived purpose) I should still take the time and try and remember things....because I forget them quickly....

I'm a fucking idiot.
(More to follow)

9/4/07 03:25 pm - A haiku

I don't have a job
But I'm drunk by three o' clock
The rain sounds lovely

8/12/07 04:44 pm - So, yeah

There's actually several things I have been meaning to post about for a while now. I have a new car, a new job, it is my 10th time reading through the Lord of the Rings trilogy (a milestone!)...but that's not why I'm posting now.
I'm posting now because I've decided I want to have a lesbian best friend. I want to talk to her about cunnlingus, and how we both like doing it.
As John is my best friend here, I will be forced to do one of two things:
a) start hanging out with more homosexuals (HAHA, NO BLOODY LIKELY. THEY THREATEN MY SEXUALITY. AND ARE ICKY)
b) make John into a lesbian.


I appear to have a task before me.

7/17/07 05:42 pm - Then the Unnamable Answered Job From Within the Whirlwind

Will you catch the Serpent with a fishhook?
or tie his tongue with a thread?
Will you pass a string through his nose
or crack his jaw with a pin?
Will he plead with you for mercy
and timidly beg your pardon?
Will he come to terms of surrender
and promise to be your slave?
Will you play with him like a sparrow
and put him on a leash for your girls?
Will merchants bid for his carcass
and parcel him out to shops?
Will you riddle his skin with spears,
split his head with harpoons?
Go ahead: attack him:
you wil never try it again.

Look: Hope is a lie:
you would faint at the very sight of him.
Who would dare to arouse him?
Who would stand in his way?
Who under all the heavens
could fight against him and live?
Who could pierce his armor
or shatter his coat of mail?
Who could pry open his jaws,
with their horribled arched teeth?
He sneezes and lightning flash;
his eyes glow like dawn.
Smoke pours from his nostrils
like steam from a boiling pot.
His breath sets coals ablaze;
flames leap from his mouth.
Power beats in his neck,
and terror dances before him.
His skin is hard as a rock,
his heart huge as a boulder.
No sword can stick in his flesh;
javelines shatter against him.
He cracks iron like straw,
bronze like rotten wood.
No arrow can pierce his skin;
slingstones hit him and crumble.
He chews clubs to splinters
and laughs at the quivering spear.
His belly is thick with spikes;
he drags the swamp like a rake.
When he rises the waves fall back
and the breakers tremble before him.
He makes the oceans boil
lashes the sea to a froth.
His wake glistens behind him;
the waters are white with foam.
No one on earth is his equal -
a creature without fear.
He looks down on the highest.
He is king over all the proud beasts.

Then Job Said to the Unnamable:
I know you can do all things
and nothing you wish is impossible
Who is this whose ignorant words
cover my designs with darkness?

I have spoken of the unspeakable
and tried to grasp the infinite.
Listen and I will speak;
I will question you: please, instruct me
.
I had heard of you with my ears;
but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I will be quiet,
comforted that I am dust.

Epilogue: the Legend
After he had spoken to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaze the Temanite, "I am very angry at you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has. So take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my sevant Job and offer a sacrifice for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and for his sake I will overlook your sin. For you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has." So Eliphaz the Temanite, Blilad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Hamathite went and did what the Lord had commanded. And the Lord accepted Job's prayer.
Then the Lord returned all Job's possessions, and gave him twice as much as he had before. All his relatives and everyone who had known him came to his house to celebrate. They commiserated with him over all the suffering that the Lord had inflicted on him. As they left, each one gave him a coin or a gold ring.
So the Lord blessed the end of Job's life more than the beginning. Job now had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand donkeys. He also had seven sons and three daughters: the eldest named Dove, the second Cinnamon, and the third Eye-shadow. And in all the world there were no women as beautiful as Job's daughters. He gave them a share of his possessions along with their brothers.
After this, Job lived for a hundred and forty years. He lived to see his grandchildren and his great-grand-children. He died at a very great age.

- Mitchell, Stephen. The Book of Job. Harper Prennial: New York, NY. 86-91.

7/17/07 10:09 am - I'm much nicer than sparrows. Lillies too.

My parents let me have their old car after graduation. It was always supposed to be my car in high school, they just wouldn't let me take it to college. So I took it to Harrisonburg. Fifteen minutes here it promptly broke.

I got my estimate back today. It's $2000 for fixing. I don't have that money without a job. But I don't know where I can work without a car.

I called my parents for advice on what to do. Unfortunately, I talked to my mom. After being slightly racist, she brushed off my problem. "Shop around and see if you can find a better price!"

This is extremely...disheartening. I don't really know what to do. I feel like I'm being extremely fucked.


I keep reminding myself: I'm much nicer than sparrows. I'm much nicer than sparrows.

7/14/07 04:02 pm - In ancient times if you were sick they'd make you bleed

So. I still don't have a job. But I'm applying like its my job (ha!) and living with John is good. Sammi is visiting right now, and its nice seeing her again. In other news: I miss Jess.

The real point of this update is to tell you all about my cool dream from last night. Everybody is interested in this!

So in my dream it was 16th century England. The king was ineffectual and Parliament controlled him and he okayed any crazy plans they had. I was some patriotic noble who was upset by this. One night, at an opera at which the king and his corrupt Parliament were attending, I resolved to show my political disapproval through dressing up with a painted black face and a fancy blue coat and hat and interrupting the opera with my flashy "Save England!" speech.

Before I could, however, I got in a sword with with members of Parliament, all of whom had powers. One of them cast a spell so he moved incredibly fast and I couldn't hit him with the variety of needles that I hurled at him. One woman could absorb swords harmlessly into her body, and one man with ruby eyes could pull rapiers from his skull. I escaped through a window and crashed ...

(I INTERRUPT THIS DREAM SEQUENCE TO TELL YOU THAT SAMMI JUST BURST INTO THE BATHROOM AND TOOK A PICTURE OF JOHN ROBERTS POOPING. WELCOME TO MY APARTMENT. OH NOW HE HAS THE CAMERA AND IS TAKING PCITURES OF THE EVENT FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE)

...so I crashed through a lower story window and made an dramatic getaway with my compatriots after threatening a noble woman.

My dreams win forever.
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